Are you mentally and physically exhausted?
Are you to a point where you are saying to yourself, “I don’t know if I can make it one more day?”
Every email, phone call, children’s school request, etc. just becomes one more weight added to your already overloaded brain.
You are ready to rest but as soon as you commit to slowing down your brain asks the ever-important question: If I don’t do it, who will?
Who will cook dinner?
Who will take the kids to practice?
Who will help the new team member learn the key facets of the business?
In a world where the word “resilience” is at an all-time high, is this the mindset you need to adopt?
When is it time to be resilient and when it is time to ask for a little bit of support or help?
Is Resilience the Answer?
To be resilient means to adapt quickly in the face of adversity.
In other words, when you get knocked down you don’t stay down, you get back up and keep fighting.
There are times in our lives and our careers when we must be resilient.
If you were experiencing one new project at work and everything else in your life was stable, I would say that’s probably a case where you display resiliency.
If you had an illness in the family that lasted a few weeks, resiliency is probably the answer here as well.
However, if you are struggling with every to-do, every task, every responsibility and you are constantly feeling overwhelmed, I would challenge you to not simply say, “I must be resilient and carry on.”
Instead, I encourage you to give yourself permission to assess the situation and potentially ask for help.
When work is overflowing ask yourself: Am I the only one who can do these functions or tasks? Who can help?
When the kids need help with homework, rides to practice, glue for a project that’s due tomorrow, or a t-shirt to wear to this week’s school musical, ask yourself: Can my spouse, family member, neighbor, best friend, delivery service, etc. help?
The point is this, while you may tell yourself you must be all things to all people, you truly can’t be.
Solving these types of problems isn’t a sign of resiliency, it’s simply a sign that you personally feel the need to do it all.
And while you are truly amazing, being a martyr isn’t admirable. It’s destructive.
You must save some of your mental and physical capacity to truly take care of the things that ONLY you can handle.
The key here is to learn the difference!
Self-Sacrifice vs. Resilience
Ask yourself these questions to determine when/where you should ask for help vs. be resilient. Write down the answers and make a list accordingly:
- What are the things in my life that require my attention because only I can do them?
- What are the key things that I typically handle, but if someone else was trained, could handle equally as well?
- What are key action items or to-do’s that I handle because I worry others won’t do it as well as me and I simply need to accept the help and move on?
- What are items I am taking on that others could easily and readily handle, I’m just simply not asking for help?
What you will find is that there are a few action items that require you and only you to resolve them. These are the functions where you must practice resiliency. Prioritize those as your “must do’s.”
The other tasks and action items are things someone else could do.
So what do you do with them?
For each item on your list that someone else can handle, put a person’s name beside that item. Then reach out to that person and ask for their support.
You love helping others, right?
Realize that others love helping you as well. They get joy and fulfillment out of supporting you!
And by letting them help out, you get time back in your day or week to truly decompress and practice self-care. Such that when you must exhibit personal resilience, you can quickly adapt and move forward.
How powerful is that?
It’s time to take a look at your life.
Be intentional and learn the difference between self-created demands and a situation that calls for true resilience.