I know when you read the title of this blog you thought, “Well no duh, Katrina.”
But here’s the point of this post, it’s not to educate your logical, conscious brain, I’m sharing this as a means of empowering you to listen to your subconscious brain.
Your logical brain says,
“I know success doesn’t make me happy. I like it. It makes me feel good. I am proud of myself when I am successful at something. Be it a win at work or a win during family game night. I love to win.”
So then tell me this. How do you feel when you are winning?
Happy or sad?
Happiness is a common emotion that we equate with fulfillment.
So I want you to realize that success can make you happy, but the key in all of this that you subconsciously know but haven’t intentionally recognized is that the happiness that comes from success is short-lived.
And we want the type of happiness and fulfillment that we experience every single day, not just when we do something that gets us a pat on the head.
Because how long does that positive feeling from the pat on the head last?
Not long enough, right?
Why Do We Believe That Success Creates Fulfillment?
Honestly, it comes from a combination of childhood experiences combined with guidance on life and our desire to experience a positive reward over and over again.
1. Childhood Praise
As kids, when we succeeded and got that pat on the head from our parents, for example, it made us happy. It felt good. So we wanted more of that. Super simple, but you can look at your life and see how that resonates, right?
2. Guidance on What a “Good Life” Means
We were told as kids that if we “got good grades, got into a good college, got a good degree, got a good job, had a beautiful family, and bought a good house” we would have a good life. We all want a good life, right? No. We want a great life. Beyond that, we want to not only achieve and succeed but we also want to enjoy the life we have created.
In the formula above, you can see that the formula for a good life is 100% focused on achieving. But achievement (or success) isn’t the answer to creating lasting happiness or fulfillment. We already know this. We have already said that the pats on the head that come from winning don’t create long-term fulfillment.
3. Reward Cycle
We all know that as humans when we find a reward cycle that works for us, we are going to keep tapping into it. Just like when you find that slot machine that keeps winning, you’re going to keep playing it. Why? Because it has a track record of winning and therefore a higher probability of hitting the jackpot. The same holds true when it comes to pursuing “wins” as a means of trying to feel fulfilled.
You know that getting that next promotion at work may not be the jackpot of personal happiness, freedom, and fulfillment, but you know it gives you some sense of happiness so you are going to go with what you know. Hoping, just like you hope when you play that slot machine, that this time it’s going to be the “big one.”
“Maybe this time it will work!”
But it doesn’t.
So what does work?
Being intentional in the way you spend your time such that you are making memories with your family, growing and learning as a person, and giving and serving others.
To do that, you must feel like you can step away from work and explore a bit.
Stepping away from work can be scary and it’s the common reason why most women don’t make a change to have both success and fulfillment.
We rationalize and say: I would rather have success and some fulfillment than neither.
Create a foundation in your life that makes you feel 100% confident, successful, and secure in your career. When you feel this level of certainty, you will easily work when you need to work and feel safe enough to explore the world and have fulfillment outside of success.
If you want additional support in creating a career foundation so you can start exploring life… here are 4 ways I can help you:
1. Grab a free copy of my audiobook
It’s the first step in creating professional success and personal freedom. — Click Here
2. Join our Time Freedom Implementation Program and be a Case Study
I have a new female leader case study group here at Legend Leaders centered on time freedom. In 60 days we will help you get back 10 hours of your work time and rededicate it to personal time. If you’d like to work with me to create time freedom while still having professional success… just send me a message at m.me/makinglegendaryleaders with the words “Case Study”.
3. Work with me and my team privately
If you’d like to work directly with me and my team to take you from career fear and burnout to professional success and personal freedom… just send me a message at m.me/makinglegendaryleaders with the word “Private”… tell me a little about yourself and what you’d like to work on together, and I’ll get you all the details!
4. Get a Strategy Session
And if you ever want to get some quick 1:1 help, we can jump on the phone for a short call, and brainstorm how to create career success and personal freedom in your life. Simply message me at m.me/makinglegendaryleaders, comment “strategy,” and I will get you the calendar link.